[ There's a buzzing pleasure that doesn't make it to his face at the sound of Steve's laughter. A kind of relief that he can still elicit that response, but also this... maybe underlying feeling of being fake. Imposter syndrome, almost - illogical, because Steve knows what he is. What he's done. It isn't pretending to be someone else if it's part of you, but at the same time...
It's the kind of thing he's still struggling to shake. Not really enough time since he was forced to come to terms with his memories, accept them as real, acknowledge them. That guy from before. The guy he was to Steve. Only just started admitting it to both himself and to Steve when they slipped him back into a freezer.
He's had a few weeks here, at least. More time to integrate, to navigate his own personality without the weight of expectation or paranoia.
The touch to his hand still startles him. It's a quick but maybe clear, slow-motion experience that goes a little something like this:
-His own lingering emotions flowing through immediately: tentative optimism, a need to prove something, guilty pleasure -Steve's emotions hitting him and his mind taking the time to comprehend them, realize their source, label them -An instant gratification and relief at what he's feeling -The near-immediate realization that he's sharing his own back, followed by whip-crack fear and self-analysis in time with him tugging his hand back quickly.
It's complicated.
He keeps his emotions off of his damn face most of the time, selectively filters them when he can. To have them abruptly clear as day in intimate, perfect detail without any time to prepare himself and school himself is...
NO
It's the kind of thing he's still struggling to shake. Not really enough time since he was forced to come to terms with his memories, accept them as real, acknowledge them. That guy from before. The guy he was to Steve. Only just started admitting it to both himself and to Steve when they slipped him back into a freezer.
He's had a few weeks here, at least. More time to integrate, to navigate his own personality without the weight of expectation or paranoia.
The touch to his hand still startles him. It's a quick but maybe clear, slow-motion experience that goes a little something like this:
-His own lingering emotions flowing through immediately: tentative optimism, a need to prove something, guilty pleasure
-Steve's emotions hitting him and his mind taking the time to comprehend them, realize their source, label them
-An instant gratification and relief at what he's feeling
-The near-immediate realization that he's sharing his own back, followed by whip-crack fear and self-analysis in time with him tugging his hand back quickly.
It's complicated.
He keeps his emotions off of his damn face most of the time, selectively filters them when he can. To have them abruptly clear as day in intimate, perfect detail without any time to prepare himself and school himself is...
Not great. ]