It's not like Clarke can just reel in her emotions, cut them away because they're a sign of weakness. She had already proved countless times over that she can't do that (and saw Lexa struggle with the same reality in turn). There's no way to reverse this sudden awareness of what's happened. She can't hide that Lexa's died, or the severe emotional pain that she feels at seeing her here—
—a victim, powerless, just like anyone else, away from her people who need her, for however long they get to have her—
partly because she doesn't think she can keep herself from touching her. Seeing her is like striking the hot coals of grief that she's tried to suppress in the weeks following the destruction of the City of Light. The same grief that nearly drove her to taking her life when it was paired with the loss of everyone else as well.]
I'm—[swallow it down.
If there's anyone who can handle the matter of her death, it's Lexa. That's what had made their parting so painful, that Lexa had just believed she would move on. But there was no one like Lexa. There would never be anyone like Lexa.
And Clarke even knows what came of her novitiates. Of what happened when Ontari was allowed to return to Azgeda.]
—I'm from your future. Our future. Your spirit has passed on, Lexa. [There's an unsteady crack in her voice. She wishes she didn't have to say it, that it didn't have to be real. That she hadn't responded this way and had been able to suppress her grief long enough to just—just be happy.]
no subject
Of course she doesn't know.
It's not like Clarke can just reel in her emotions, cut them away because they're a sign of weakness. She had already proved countless times over that she can't do that (and saw Lexa struggle with the same reality in turn). There's no way to reverse this sudden awareness of what's happened. She can't hide that Lexa's died, or the severe emotional pain that she feels at seeing her here—
—a victim, powerless, just like anyone else, away from her people who need her, for however long they get to have her—
partly because she doesn't think she can keep herself from touching her. Seeing her is like striking the hot coals of grief that she's tried to suppress in the weeks following the destruction of the City of Light. The same grief that nearly drove her to taking her life when it was paired with the loss of everyone else as well.]
I'm—[swallow it down.
If there's anyone who can handle the matter of her death, it's Lexa. That's what had made their parting so painful, that Lexa had just believed she would move on. But there was no one like Lexa. There would never be anyone like Lexa.
And Clarke even knows what came of her novitiates. Of what happened when Ontari was allowed to return to Azgeda.]
—I'm from your future. Our future. Your spirit has passed on, Lexa. [There's an unsteady crack in her voice. She wishes she didn't have to say it, that it didn't have to be real. That she hadn't responded this way and had been able to suppress her grief long enough to just—just be happy.]