[In another timeline—another lifetime—Clarke would struggle to recognize the good that she did. That she's failed to do the same here should come as no surprise. She speaks of the atrocities she's had to undertake for the good of her people, rarely offering specifics. They were necessary so that her people could survive, and she would do it again if she came to thoroughly see the Displaced as hers. Having Raven here is like a shock to her system—and a reminder as to why she couldn't bring herself to cross that line. Not yet.
So, when Raven tells her she saved them, she looks distant. Much like Raven, Clarke is a crier—she's not as boisterously emotional as Raven or Bellamy, but her eyes are glossy with the recognition that her friends lived. She knows it was hard for them to leave her behind. Earlier on, Bellamy couldn't do that when it came to getting the hydro-generator, but Clarke was proud of the fact that he made that decision. He did what he needed to, just like she did.
(Clarke had resigned herself to dying there, so the fact that she didn't still feels like something was left unfulfilled. Not in a good or bad way, just—unfinished. Like she had set herself up for an outcome that was never meant to be.)
She inhales deeply, inaudibly, picturing Murphy being the one who saved the day. Not surprising given that he pumped a heart to keep her alive, but she offers Raven a wry smile.] That's because Murphy knows he wouldn't survive two days up there without the rest of you.
[The first remark, and not the only one. Is it obvious she didn't say anything about being the one to save them? Probably. Clarke still doesn't know what to say. She did what she could, and feeling resigned to where that would end felt—well, it felt like she was the only one who could.
She reaches out to take Raven's hand while they walk. Okay, so they're glowing, and it's muddled, and Clarke's mixed up emotions are going to come into play here and make things messier. And okay, she knows this is a grand way of exposing herself, but the clear amount of affection shooting through the link? That's important here. She tugs Raven to a stop and pulls her closer, looking across at her. While Clarke is tactile with most people, she and Raven don't usually get up to handholding. That's reserved for other people in Clarke's life—but Raven is who's here, so it comes naturally. Plus, while they're going somewhere, she can't wait. She's driven by the need to say this.]
I want you to know that I am proud, Raven. I needed you to get them up there, and you did. And I know—I know that it isn't about me—[as being here has constantly reminded her, even if she can't really lose that Clarke Griffin Self-Importance]—I'm still ... relieved. I'm glad they're there. Thank you. [Glad. Proud. Grateful. Appreciative in every way.
But still guilty—this time because she doesn't want them to feel bad about leaving her behind. They did what they should have done.]
no subject
So, when Raven tells her she saved them, she looks distant. Much like Raven, Clarke is a crier—she's not as boisterously emotional as Raven or Bellamy, but her eyes are glossy with the recognition that her friends lived. She knows it was hard for them to leave her behind. Earlier on, Bellamy couldn't do that when it came to getting the hydro-generator, but Clarke was proud of the fact that he made that decision. He did what he needed to, just like she did.
(Clarke had resigned herself to dying there, so the fact that she didn't still feels like something was left unfulfilled. Not in a good or bad way, just—unfinished. Like she had set herself up for an outcome that was never meant to be.)
She inhales deeply, inaudibly, picturing Murphy being the one who saved the day. Not surprising given that he pumped a heart to keep her alive, but she offers Raven a wry smile.] That's because Murphy knows he wouldn't survive two days up there without the rest of you.
[The first remark, and not the only one. Is it obvious she didn't say anything about being the one to save them? Probably. Clarke still doesn't know what to say. She did what she could, and feeling resigned to where that would end felt—well, it felt like she was the only one who could.
She reaches out to take Raven's hand while they walk. Okay, so they're glowing, and it's muddled, and Clarke's mixed up emotions are going to come into play here and make things messier. And okay, she knows this is a grand way of exposing herself, but the clear amount of affection shooting through the link? That's important here. She tugs Raven to a stop and pulls her closer, looking across at her. While Clarke is tactile with most people, she and Raven don't usually get up to handholding. That's reserved for other people in Clarke's life—but Raven is who's here, so it comes naturally. Plus, while they're going somewhere, she can't wait. She's driven by the need to say this.]
I want you to know that I am proud, Raven. I needed you to get them up there, and you did. And I know—I know that it isn't about me—[as being here has constantly reminded her, even if she can't really lose that Clarke Griffin Self-Importance]—I'm still ... relieved. I'm glad they're there. Thank you. [Glad. Proud. Grateful. Appreciative in every way.
But still guilty—this time because she doesn't want them to feel bad about leaving her behind. They did what they should have done.]