( was it disappointment he felt, when he first heard news of the massacre? no. terror. everything was a confusing tangle, facts obfuscated already by myth by the time it reached him. no, he'd thought ben was dead, then. he didn't learn the truth of it until later, and even then...
he'd been ashamed. angry. hurt. he'd spent years mired in regret. what-ifs piled up outside his door like snowflakes on hoth, innumerable. he could have done so many different things. but disappointment in ben? no. han had only ever been mad at himself, for driving him down that path.
as far as waking up in another world goes, the empathy bond is just about one of the worst things han can imagine. he's spent a lifetime burying his own emotions, rarely allowing them out into the light. unspoken i-love-yous were a dime a dozen with him. he reached for anger before upset. he didn't let other people in. it's probably why he has more enemies than friends.
han sets his hand down on the table between them. palm up. nods to it with his chin. it's an unspoken gesture, go on.)
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( was it disappointment he felt, when he first heard news of the massacre? no. terror. everything was a confusing tangle, facts obfuscated already by myth by the time it reached him. no, he'd thought ben was dead, then. he didn't learn the truth of it until later, and even then...
he'd been ashamed. angry. hurt. he'd spent years mired in regret. what-ifs piled up outside his door like snowflakes on hoth, innumerable. he could have done so many different things. but disappointment in ben? no. han had only ever been mad at himself, for driving him down that path.
as far as waking up in another world goes, the empathy bond is just about one of the worst things han can imagine. he's spent a lifetime burying his own emotions, rarely allowing them out into the light. unspoken i-love-yous were a dime a dozen with him. he reached for anger before upset. he didn't let other people in. it's probably why he has more enemies than friends.
han sets his hand down on the table between them. palm up. nods to it with his chin. it's an unspoken gesture, go on. )