[ jack watches the blood soak into the white napkins and watches the distance settling into dean, the quiet in the car. on the park bench, while he was waiting for dean to pick him up, jack was trying to tell himself he could do this. he'd had time, it's been nearly a week. he's cried and cried and cried, and tried to think of every way facing the brothers (facing dean) again could go, but it didn't prepare him for watching dean like this. the struggle to contain himself, the violence that clearly happened somewhere else in the parking lot, the blood, the pain.
how can he ask him to take on more? when jack coming into his life already cost him so much. the day he was born, he already had a sizable kill count to his name. dean knew it then, and all jack's done now is prove him right.
He takes in a deep breath, flooding some oxygen to his brain and getting ready to speak. ]
Dean. You don't have to do anything.
[ Jack tells him softly, almost fondly, eyes glassy and sad, voice a bit achy, but he can't ask dean to let him be this burden on him again, not after everything he did. not after mary. reaching for the bags on the floor, he pulls out one of the wrapped up tacos, at least taking the meal dean got him. ]
All of this is my fault.
[ no matter how many times he thinks he's gotten past this, it comes back down to it. he's dangerous. his existence alone, is dangerous. he's killed two women attempting to be mothers to him so far. jack adores kelly with every fiber of his being, but maybe she was wrong. maybe this evil is just in his blood. it can't be dean's fault for trying to give him something better. ]
If you never forgive me, no one could blame you. Thanks for the — [ wait, what the fuck is even in his hand ] — food. But you don't have to take me with you. I've been on my own before, I can do it again.
[ except he had monumental cosmic power all of those times (and mary watching over him in one), and it wasn't in sci fi new amsterdam, where we eat bugs and do surprise brain surgery on strangers. regardless, and even though the car is already in motion, jack's reaching for the door handle. ]
no subject
how can he ask him to take on more? when jack coming into his life already cost him so much. the day he was born, he already had a sizable kill count to his name. dean knew it then, and all jack's done now is prove him right.
He takes in a deep breath, flooding some oxygen to his brain and getting ready to speak. ]
Dean. You don't have to do anything.
[ Jack tells him softly, almost fondly, eyes glassy and sad, voice a bit achy, but he can't ask dean to let him be this burden on him again, not after everything he did. not after mary. reaching for the bags on the floor, he pulls out one of the wrapped up tacos, at least taking the meal dean got him. ]
All of this is my fault.
[ no matter how many times he thinks he's gotten past this, it comes back down to it. he's dangerous. his existence alone, is dangerous. he's killed two women attempting to be mothers to him so far. jack adores kelly with every fiber of his being, but maybe she was wrong. maybe this evil is just in his blood. it can't be dean's fault for trying to give him something better. ]
If you never forgive me, no one could blame you. Thanks for the — [ wait, what the fuck is even in his hand ] — food. But you don't have to take me with you. I've been on my own before, I can do it again.
[ except he had monumental cosmic power all of those times (and mary watching over him in one), and it wasn't in sci fi new amsterdam, where we eat bugs and do surprise brain surgery on strangers. regardless, and even though the car is already in motion, jack's reaching for the door handle. ]